Day 6 — A Stranger
A stranger. In the sense of the word, it’s a person who I don’t know. Someone with an unknown intent either for better or for worse, they’ve come across my path somehow.
Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be a person. It’s something that comes up from inside you, like a dark passenger. As I sit here in my room and listen to the billowing wind, I can’t help but feel like I’m still missing something. Then again, I know exactly what I’m missing, but the steps that I am taking.. well I don’t know. The only problem is that this isn’t a stranger. It’s something I’ve grown up with. I need it to fill the void that exists in me.
I feel as if I’m too selfish. I know what I need to do, but every step I take is in the exact opposite direction. Then I turn around knowing what I’ve done and this process repeats over and over and over. It’s selfish to expect that all your desires are going to be met. That the bottom line is me, me, me. I don’t want it to be, but when will the cards fall my way?
This refers back to God somewhere. That’s the thing I’ve grown up with my whole life and I feel sometimes as if I’m just indoctrinated. I’m too used to it already, I’ve never experienced the true power that he has. Excuse my religious banter (if that’s what you choose to call it), but that’s my belief. After a bad experience, I’ve grown far from God and when I choose to come back, I find myself reverting back to my former self. Living for myself quite frankly, does not work. I’ve tried two times too many.
I feel like a stranger to God. Like He isn’t within me anymore. Like the light has been snuffed out. AND I DON’T WANT IT TO BE THAT WAY. At least there are people who value me for who I am and are helping me along this path. Instead of being left to my own thoughts, in times such as now.
I know that God has someone out there for me and right now, this is the one stepping stone that I keep getting hung up on. Where is the woman that He has for me. Over and over I ask myself this question. I ask other people, but they don’t have the answer. Why is this need so strong for me? And don’t say hormones. Load of shit. I just want to know why the cards don’t fall for me in that one aspect of my life. I am content with everything else that I have. Except for that one thing.
So, if you are that stranger that I’m supposed to meet,
Don’t be afraid to say, “Hi.”
I’ll say it right back.
P.S. I’m a hopeless romantic. Fuck you too.
